Posts tagged ‘Reasons the Nationals Suck’

41. The team never seemed to embrace Jon Rauch’s sweet ass tattoos.

42. Lastings Milledge spent 107 games total in the third, fourth and fifth spots in the lineup.

43. Elijah Dukes still can’t afford to make rent.

44. There is absolutely no Half St morale, other than the panhandlers racket. Even the guy playing blues on the sax wasn’t blue.

45. The cherry blossoms weren’t “cherry” enough

46. Despite unanimous support from the organization, MLB would not allow the “Overloaded outfield sponsored by Five Guys“

47. The bull-pen could not keep up with the Chief’s demand for a steady supply of hat starch. (Rod)

48. Despite the lack of evidence, we’re sure Dan Snyder had something to do with it.

49. Youngsters never took to Tim Redding’s “How to breathe through your eyelids” session.

50. Zimmerman hangs out with the hot chick on the 7th floor.

51. Non-bouncing seats along the third base dugout.

52. The Anacostia still suffers from river envy with the Potomac.

53. Team was riddled with injuries throughout the season, taking out the best players. (Mr. Chris Cusick)

54. El Nino.

55. Migraines caused by continuous loop of Lastings Milledge’s rap album in the clubhouse.  (Mr. Pittsburgh Page)

56. Gas prices.

57. Metro fares.

58. Not enough parking, wait, yes enough parking… (The Jeww)

59. The inability of the pitchers to get out of the 6th inning.

60. Too Busy Campaigning for Obama. (Beach)

61. The Dodgers left Brooklyn.

62. Nick Swisher is from West Virginia. (Dubs V)

63. Too many players got the annoying “ooooooo” treatment when coming to bat.

64. Too much faith in young arms.

65. All the pieces were already peeled from the cutout of the model, therefore, there was no motivation to win or alternatively, too few pieces to peal away from the cutout left her naked after just 40 wins. (Beach)

66. What the hell happened to “Nats Fan Tim the Interjector”? His poignancy was impeccable. (Take a guess)

67. No legitimate power hitters.

68. After someone stole the ice pack from Dmitri’s hoagie briefcase his blood sugar dropped too low. (Rod)

69. The DC fan base’s inability to replace the Orioles “OH” during the star spangles banner hurts local identity.

70. Bowden couldn’t get enough Reds on the team. (The Jeww)

71. Clubhouse workers filled kitchen mini fridge with Miller Chill, killing morale.

72. Felipe Lopez could not actually flip or flop anything to anyone covering second base.

73. Despite popular belief, everybody messes with the Jesus.

74. Bob Uecker quit when he realized no pitcher actually could get the ball “just a bit outside,” thus ending his new catch phrase “Juuuust a few rows deep” from catching on.

75. The pilot light went out in the Natscast studios - again.

76. Because Emilio Bonifacio is the future. (The Jeww)

77. TTP.

78. Not enough games against the Pirates on the schedule. The Nats were a more than respectable 4-3 against ye ol’ Buccaneers this season. (Mr. Pittsburgh Page)

79. Even American University students thought that Clint was too metro. (Rod)

80. Dewey and the Raph have yet to get proper recognition for their contributions to society from the Nationals brass. Still waiting.

81. Tim Tebow skipped recruiting trip to circumcise orphans in the South Pacific.

82. Jake Taylor’s knees finally gave out after trying bunt home Willie Mays Hayes to win another big game

83. Wily Mo Pena was never the same after hearing that he was not actually the bastard child of David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez

84. Inadequate pitching, fielding, and hitting. AKA the baseball essentials. (Prophet Steve)

85. With the pronunciation of GM Bowden (or is it BOW-den) up in the air, fans and players alike didn’t know who to yell at.

86. Trainers never bought the Derek Jeter Hurricane Baseball Training Machine.

87. Lack of Nats players in Eastern Motors commercials. (Rod)

88. Ronnie Belliard never cut those ridiculous dreads.

89. Utah State is still waiting for their first 5-star recruit.

90. Five dollar seats were located in a gale wind force.

91. Followed Wizards model in building franchise.

92. Lastings Milledge took bad advice from his entourage and decided to make Medellin.

26. I have no idea, I’ve never watched one of their games. (Vinn)

27. The gold trim on the the jerseys.

28. Should something be said about GNR coming out with a new CD after 17 years? (The Wheelman)

29. Nobody likes a skinny Ray King. (Rod)

30. Joe the Plumber is a Reds fan.

31. While on Let’s Make a Deal, Acta, failed to choose the answer behind Column A, leaving the team to suffer the consequences of ColomB.

32. I could spit dip juice on the floor of RFK and not get stared at in disgust by middle aged white mothers and their toddlers.

33.The upperdeck, while modestly priced, provides no protection from the most annoying people on the planet.

34. The electric bill from the every 15 minute updated construction cameras was not subsidized by the town, and we all paid a little more per kilo-watt hour.

35. The Anacostia’s stench, mixed with the dry dust from the Florida Rock dump trucks, created an unsightly, literally, air contaminant resulting in nose sludge. This explains why the 200 level sections were all empty. Excessive tissue waste.

36. The Raph ate too many servings of chicken and fries. Unable to unbutton his Elasticfit Old Man Khakis, he lost that satisfying feeling of knowing and then surpassing, personal consumption limits.

37. Bathroom near section 22 was out of toilet paper on July 7th at 3:04 p.m.

38. The condiment stand 34 on the right field concourse is never filled to the top.

39. Fear of Elijah, Dukes. (Bucco Mike)

40.The Red Loft was full of ““Butter Faces”. (Rod)

13. That snot-nosed wimp John Lannan insisted on four days’ rest between his starts. (Hendo)

14. The no salary cap thing can be bitch a when other teams are racking up great players that we should have made the move for. (Chris Cusick)

15. Dan Snyder ruined joint team alliance by always complaining about attending games because it was “in the city.”

16. The fat cats in Washington refusal to embrace change.

17. The fat cats in Washington refusal to attend games.

18. $38 fitted hats at the stadium store.

19. Ben’s Chili bowl should never have given Meat Hook that all you can eat card.

20. Frank Robinson is a God. A spiteful, yet correct, God.

21. Michael Phelps was the most common Halloween costume next to Guido and Slutty Witch. (Ms. Zim)

22. On the giant banner behind the score board there is a guy wearing a Yankees Universe shirt. Very disturbing despite Zim being greeted at home by his teammates.

23. Despite our constant heckling and emails, the team will not trade for Russell Martin.

24. Lack of NatsPack ultimate frisbee visual stimulant, leaves hippies disillusioned and disinterested.

25. Nick Johnson shaved his ugly, but appreciated beard.

1. Nationals Park was built a year too early, long live RFK.

2. The price of High Life does not coincide with the delivery guys ethos.

3. The Lerner’s. Right or wrong, good or bad, cheap or cheaper.

4. The Pope is bad luck. (Rod)

5. Nomar Garciparra plays in LA.

6. Manny Acta’s inability to trust his starting pitchers.

7. Zimmerman hits a walkoff HR in the new park, on opening night, in dramatic fashion. It can only go down from there. (Ms. Zim)

8. Even the local Hispanic population thought that two Jesus’ on the same team is too many. (Rod)

9. In an attempt to get Felipe Lopez’ impressive .200 average into the lineup, they move him to left field.

10. Failure to hire Mike Gallego as third base coach. (Grant)

11. Without Brian Schnieder, there is no team chemistry. (The Jeww)

12. Paul LoDuca never had the balls to write F*ck Face on his bat. al la Billy Ripken. Note: google it, I only posted the edited picture.