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Just when we thought the Nats MIGHT be getting on some sort of track (I would say back on track but that would assume that they were on track to begin with) yet another “best player on the team” goes down with an injury. Elijah Dukes is the Nats third No. 3 hitter to suffer the injury bug this season, joining the prestigious ranks of Ryan Zimmerman and Lastings Milledge. This just goes to show that the whole season is a wash. Pack it up and go home. I can no longer get mad at the kids partying at the Red Loft instead of watching the game. Hell, I might join you. I was just getting excited about the Duke too. I had all these great homerun calls using John Wayne references and channeling the spirits of the Dukes from Trading Places – “Looking good Elijah… feeling good Lastings!” – ugh, what a waste of my pointless popular culture knowledge.

There is a positive way to look at this however. We now get to see the future of the team and how good they may be. That is something for Nats fans to be excited about. Bring up the boys from AAA and AA… hell even A, to see what they can do. It’s not like they’d be taking anyone’s roster spot.

So who will be the next No.3 hitter? It was Austin Kearns the other day after he had a cup of coffee down in AA over the weekend. But I’m hoping that this may be the break… and he has had many… that Dmitri Young needs to shine. There is no one to take first from him and an open lineup to pick his spot. We will address this next show I’m sure.

So here’s to the Hook - Go get ‘em Meat.

As much as I wanted to discuss Jason Giambi’s “Magnum P.I.”, I decided against it. Too many people have been on the mustache ride - its crowded. If he was not producing, would it be so amusing? No, it would be a talisman of evil. And Giambi would be an outcast. Instead of children gluing fake follicles to their upper lip, mothers would be carrying oversized disposable razors, pointing them to the heavens and crying for justice. When I see morning highlights discussing someone’s Format of choice, I choose to go in the other direction.

While I was scouring the interwebs looking for greatness, I came across the 1993 Expansion Team series in Colorado. The Rockies won with walk-off, prompting the television crews to interview this wild specimen.

To stop wasting time, here is our Terrible Beard of the Week!!! (drum roll):

Ryan Spilborghs, Outfield, Colorado Rockies. Look at this mess.

How can you get any respect in your profession if you show up to work with this on your face? It is worse that coming dressed as a clown. With the clown you get the uniform face coloring and some pretty cool looking shoes. I bet this guy sits in the dugout isolated from his teammates, shunned from the communal showers, and has to take public transit to the team hotel.

Ok, lets break down the beard. Structurally speaking, the beard is very robust. You can’t even see the skin in some sections. It is splotchy, though. I mean, look at the right side of the face. How can hair grow in so thick on one side, and not on the other? This baffles my mind.

Is there a style? I am giving high marks for the pure white coloration. How does that happen? Those marks are taken away, however, because of the mutant factor. He is a white version of the Beast. And you cannot reward a mutant for having a genetically manipulated advantage of the rest of the normal people.

As for the format, The Orangutan gets major points. It takes stones to choose to look like our brethren in the Hominidae Family. In this era of finely trimmed beards, often times by stylists and not the grower himself, it is refreshing to see someone give a walking history lesson. The full forehead and bridge-of-nose coverage is phenomenal.

Adding up the tally, Mr. Spilborghs receives a C. The high grade in Random helps to offshoot the negatives, and we are left with a decidedly average beard. Unfortunately, there is nothing average about this. But you cannot argue with the math. It looks like the beard gods took a left to right sweeping motion with his face, pulling upwards towards the right temple. A once-in-a-lifetime brush stroke.

Grade: C Normal

Beard Title: Peter Venkman Post Stay Puff Marshmallow Man Destruction.

Wednesday is Fan Email day, and today we are going with a very well crafted (although waaaay to serious for my tastes) email from Cavalier in Gaithersburg, MD:

I’ve heard a lot of fans slam Jim Bowden.

There’s even several websites/blogs/online petitions dedicated to facilitating his removal as GM. They cite the Wily Mo Pena/Felipe Lopez/Austin Kearns trade; his failure to sign a starting pitcher in free agency despite the fact that mediocre starters were commanding in the $5-7 million range; the Paul LoDuca signing; and trades that other teams made to jettison superstars that the Nats don’t have in favor of prospects and/or 30 year old relief pitchers (Tejada and Bedard trades for the O’s–Other than Soriano, who was in the last year of his deal and wouldn’t have commanded nearly what Miggy, with two years left on his deal, did in trade, the Nats have no players like that.).

However, there is absolutely no love for the litany of success Bowden has had. True, the Reds trade hasn’t worked out quite like the Nats would have hoped, but show me a GM in baseball who wouldn’t have made it if it was on the table. He took the team from dead last in minor league ranking to top 10 in one year. He was responsible for drafting Zimmerman and the rest of the ‘06 and ‘07 draft classes, most of whom he signed. I know the ‘08 draft is up in the air in terms of signability, but I would guess that the Nats will sign most of their picks again this year. The Fire Jim Bowden Blog even complained that Bowden told Balester that he actually had to win some games at the Minor League level to show that he had the heart to pitch in the pros. I’m not a smart man, but I thought that the purpose of playing the game was to win. If your nasty 96 mph fastball keeps getting ripped over the fence, it doesn’t so much matter how fast it is or how much it moves, does it?

Is Bowden getting a raw deal from some extremely vociferous fans, or is he really as awful as the FireJimBowden-ites would have us think?

Dewey’s Reaction:

I don’t think Bowden is as bad as he might be perceived, but the problem is that he didn’t exactly have super success in Cincinnati, and he has yet to do anything earth shattering (in terms of success - Soriano (aside)) here. This is the way this town is unfortunately. Raph and I agree that most D.C. fans are blinded by success and are always looking for the reason — that isn’t talent or on the field play related — for why their team is faltering. The ‘Skins are a perfect example of this because year after year they fail to play up to the glory days of Joe Gibbs in the 1980s — And this is 2008. Even Gibbs (though justifiably at times) got murdered by fans in his second go around.

But if you look at what Bowden has done in his time here, you can’t really get too mad. As a fan you want your GM to go out and make a big deal like Soriano and Milledge and Dukes. You want to hear that the farm system is one of the best in the bigs and has faced a complete turnaround. The downside is that your team will lose players that may have had success. You have to spend money to make money, no? These are all things that Bowden has done.

It’s not that I’m touting the roaring success of Bowden, but I understand his failures. Plus I think in a few years we will be talking about the Dukes and Milledge trade as the turnaround moment of the franchise… as long as our young pitching plays out. But the real guy who goes unmentioned is Stan Kasten. Look what he did in Atlanta and look what he has done here. It’s almost a mirror image. This could be Worst-to-First: Part Two. Maybe Bowden is a puppet, but so what. It’s only a matter of time before Dan Snyder declares he is a lifetime Nats fan, buys the team, and runs it into the ground anyways. Paging Teddy Leonsis……

The Raph’s Reaction:

I do not want to stray too far off topic, but this kind of slamming of authority has more to do with the current media culture in general, and the current regional culture in specific. The all-inclusive media tsunami needs NEW information every day - even every hour in some markets. There is just not that much worth writing/blogging/announcing/postulating about in the day-to-day operations of a baseball team. I am sure some beg to differ, so feel free. I would also be willing to bet that those that differ are in either culture outlined above without even knowing it. The need for more information dilutes the importance/significance of the quality news item. And with it, comes fluff.

The win first crowd, not in first place, will always go after the person in charge. He isn’t doing enough to win, isn’t making good deals, overvaluing the worthless and undervaluing the amazing, his personal style sucks, and so forth. So as fans, we are treated to speculation and endless projections on the future of the team. Setting the entire structure up for failure, columns collapse piece by piece under the weight of the expectations set forth to fulfill an entirely unnecessary news statement. It is a cycle.

Bowden has done his job, with the tools at his disposal (minimal at best), and the outcome will not be realized until he is long gone. Some trades work, some do not. But the venom towards the GM has more to do, in my opinion, with extracurricular activities in society, and not in production. Find me a GM that is perfect. And find me the people who think they can do the job better - where are they in their company? Unless they are executives, they have no credence on the issue of judging the performance of someone entrusted with making large scale, high money decisions - decisions that revolve around the talent of young men and their ability to play a game. I am not even going to discuss the nay-sayers ability to play the game itself - more often than not, they cannot. Hiss and spit if you must, but there is no right answer, let alone an easy answer.

In conclusion, our collective knowledge speaks to an “I don’t know” and a pat on the back. Good job, sport. Go get ‘em, Tiger. Wait, what just happened? No improvement? Good riddance, chump. And then then the next guy, and the cycle starts again. New catch phrase, different persona non grata, different year, same argument - the tired argument.

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So thanks, Cavalier for the questions and keep them coming. Remember, every Wednesday is Fan Email Day. We are toying with the idea of a potential “award” for the email that gets chosen. Any ideas from the fan base? Stay tuned for a new podcast.

I think Raph hit yesterday on the head pretty well, but I did have a couple observations to add.

Despite the fact that this was the end of a series between losing teams (I know Baltimore, at 41-39 you’re not a losing team. But you did just drop two of three to the Nats… quiet time) it was a great series for the area. The crowds were lively and packed. The tailgates were the same. Mixed company exchanged words, and the area was delighted to a fantastic (depending who you were cheering for) finish.

(Side note, how bout those pesky United and their legions of fans, huh? You could hear RFK two miles away it was so loud. THAT is what a D.C. crowd should be like)

Belly’s walk-off in the 12^th was amazing and exciting. It made you want to cheer for D.C. Like on opening day when Zimm crushed that Bot. 9 pitch to the seats, you felt like D.C. really had a team and not just a stop on the MLB circuit.

The fact that it was against Baltimore was gravy.

I’m starting to get a little sick with the Bmore fans though. This happened a few years ago when they got off to that great start, got a few wins and starting talking trash for no reason what-so-ever. It’s like that little guy we all know who stays quiet all day but when he hits happy hour and gets a little tuned up think he can dance, then likes to let people know about it.

My favorite heckle is that D.C. doesn’t deserve a real team. Neither does Miami, but they don’t seem to be going anywhere. D.C. put up with Bmore fans crying about the loss of their beloved Colts before the Ravens came in to save the day. Now the Ravens fans are some of the most obnoxious ones around. (Purple cammo pants? That’s what you chose to wear? Really Mr. 40 Something? Really?) Now that the Nats are here, Bal-mor-ians are crying that Washington, a city that had almost three times as long drought without a team, doesn’t deserve one. Look at the history of baseball. A guy named W. Johnson might beg to differ.

Well I thank Belliard for shutting some of those people up with that dinger last night. ‘Cause even if the Nationals are basically God-awful, they still managed to take two of three from the O’s and are four of their last five.

But please Ronnie, no more posing for cameras as if you just were made king of Washington. That move, however so ridiculous at times, is reserved for Junior Griffey and the long haired fool in Beantown.

Unless you want to start a Belly being Belly campaign, that is. Then I’m all in.

I must have broke my funny bone during the celebration yesterday afternoon, cause I am as stiff as George Sherril’s brim. I have been sitting here staring at the text all day, trying to come up with something remotely original or interesting to say about the Belliard walk-off.

I thought about going back to the chewing topic, but did not have enough visual ammo. We know he was chewing something, evidenced by his defiant post swing spit towards the mound. What was it?

Should I dissect the series win with the Birds? The record crowds? Obviously, the masses feel the answer to our poll question [Would you rather watch the Battle of the Beltway at Camden or Nationals Park] is option D.C.

Should I talk about the pitching performances of the two starters: Jason Bergmann and Jeremy Guthrie? Pretty stellar outings, 7IPs and 1 ER a piece.

Should I comment on the celebration mosh pit? Dukes gives a huge chest bump. If this team keeps winning in this fashion (of 18 home wins, 8 are walk-offs), someone will be going to the DL courtesy of the middle linebacker Elijah. Acta hugs Meat Hook, then subsequently gets creamed by a Belliard double stiff arm.

Should I talk about the tailgate scene at RFK? The place was packed, the sun was hot, the beer was cold, and the D.C. United fans were psyched out of their minds. I was working on my Knuckleball on the shores of Kingman Lake. Does any of this have any value?

Then I realized, while going over my notes from the day, that this is how the day was. Random. You can’t try to explain, organize, or add humor to Random. I read something in an economics course book 9 years ago that I still remember: “Creativity is the ability to introduce Order into the Randomness of Nature.”

As Dewey would say: “Ahhh, I’ve got nothing else. Jeebus.”

Nature 1, The Raph 0

Since this is the first beard post, I will break down the categories:

Robustness: details the ability of the grower to fill out the beard. Low robustness would have splotches, or extreme distances between each cheek hair follicle. High robustness would resemble a brillo pad, or the amount of individual hairs in the beard would number in the thousands.

Style: obvious but deep category, bonus points for originality and trim work. Natural coloration is important as negative marks will be attributed to those that feel the need to dye. Long or short trim? Braided goatees? etc… It is hard to be objective with style, but that is what we strive for.

Format: for the growers preferred choice of appearance. Full beard, stubble, goatee, fu manchu, mustache (love them, especially The Push Broom), chin straps (hate them), sideburns, porkchops, soul patch (please, no Spiezios), or any combination of these or the dozens that I have yet to list. Another factor in this category is selecting the appropriate format for your attitude, and more importantly, your facial structure. Match what grows well with the way your face looks. Too many people are trying to grow beards. That is why we have a Terrible Beard of the Week. There was a time, not so long ago, when the Bearded Man was adorned with prestige. Now it is turned into an everyman thing. There are differing philosophies involved here on the front lines: the Libertarians and the Conservationists. Lets leave it at that for now.

Random: this is the catch all for things that are too minor to justify a dedicated category. This is definitely the wild card in the equation and is the most subjective.

SO, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE IS THE TERRIBLE BEARD OF THE WEEK!!! (drum roll):

Jason Marquis, Starting Pitcher, Chicago Cubs. With 6 wins on the year so far, that is 6 more wins than he would get if it was a beard contest. What is the saying? That a picture is worth 1,000 words? Could you come up with 1,000 words describing how poor this mans attempted beard is? What is that huge dry spot on his right chin? What is the trim job about? The decision to go with this format is insulting. I only pray that Marquis is trying to grow out a full beard and the resulting horror is stuck in the pre-pubescent stage.

With that in mind, he gets a D minus across the board. The only redeeming point preventing a hearty F minus is that he does indeed, have to wake up and look in the mirror in the morning.

Grade: D Minus

Beard Title: Bad Decisions and Poor Trim Lines.

Wow. Finally, after nearly half the season is gone and in the books, the team seems to be at least DOING the right things off the field. On the field will come, but we all know that the stuff off the field (i.e. practice, clubhouse karma, getting your ass chewed out when need be) spreads to the field like wildfire. It’s why the 2004 Red Sox were so good. It’s why the current Rays and Marlins are turning heads. It’s also why the O’s need to lose Peter Angelos and the Mariners are a shell of where they are supposed to be. And now, the Nats can leave the latter list and join the former.

It seems that I am not the only one who got fed up with the way they have been playing. Apparently Manny Acta was watching too - which is surprising at times. Before last night’s 5-4 win over the Angels in dramatic fashion, Acta simply posted a note in the clubhouse that read “Meeting 4:15.” It was the first closed door meeting of the season and almost too late. As I noted in previous posts and on the show, the Nats are horrible, especially this month when… If I’m reading right… they were 6-22 for the month of June including a three game sweep of the only team with a worse record, the aforementioned Mariners.

I read somewhere that the win made the meeting worth while, and that if they had lost the words of Manny would have been a waste. This I can’t argue with. However, the fact that the soft spoken manager, the Tony Dungy of baseball, called together the troops and ripped them for poor play (although he reportedly stayed true to form and didn’t yell). They responded with a homer from Lastings and a walk off double from “Nobody messes with the” Jesus Flores.

The team is miles from where they need to be, and I don’t want to get crazy here, but at least the team seems to understand all this. A win is great, but the fact that they responded to Manny speaks volumes. They respect him enough to listen and understand he is right and they are wrong. This doesn’t always happen in these meetings. Sometimes they go south and people start throwing chairs and later find themselves “accidentally” spending the night with their spring training roommates’ wife.

Now I don’t know what Manny said, although I am hoping he used the word lollygag over and over, but I appreciate him saying it. The next test will see how they respond past this game. Do they need to get this once a month? I hope not. The time is yours boys. Play ball.

I wish it was 2005 again.

It’s story time kids! Have a seat in a semi-circle around the computer screen.

Flashback: June 14, 2005. The Nats are tearing it up to begin the first season in the district. Out in Anaheim for a west coast interleague road trip, the team is down 3-1 heading into the 7th inning. With a runner on first the Angels make a call to the bullpen bringing in Brendan Donnelly, he of the seizure like herky-jerky unnecessary windup from the stretch pitching motion, to hold the lead. This is where it gets interesting. I do not know if Frank was tipped off to it or not, but he basically called the umpires over and told them to check Donnelly’s glove for “foreign substances”. The culprit was pine tar, the pitcher was ejected, the managers got to inspect each others dental work, and the benches cleared. Crazy Jose Guillen, I call him Crazy Jose, went ballistic and was restrained by teammates and coaches. So in came Scot Shields and he finished out the inning.

The following inning Scioscia checked the glove of Nationals RP Gary Majewski, claiming that the laces were too long. Nice try, loser. No damage done and the inning was over - on to the 8th. You could just feel the tension mounting. Ryan Church was hit by a pitch and up came Crazy Jose. He smoked one out to left field. The second hardest hit homer I have seen (on television) ever. Frank has a better way with words than I do, as he said “He got the bat moving. You can see what happens, when he has the bat going forward. The ball looked like a missile going out of here.”

The Nationals scored two more runs in that inning and one in the 9th to win the game 6-3, The Chief picked up his 20th save of the year, and the fans would be in for some stellar baseball heading into the All-Star break.

Back to reality: Personally, I loved Franks managerial style. Throw players under the bus, cuss and spit, tell it how it is. He never hid behind political correctness and was very stubborn. Is that productive for a team? Probably not. It would be terrible for the 2008 version. It is fun for me though, so that is all that matters. But I think its time for the Nats to get spunky and start some mayhem, at least just to change things up and provide some energy to a clubhouse that is devoid of human emotion.

I guess the moral of the story is that if you get really fired up about something, take it very personally, use that anger to bond with your teammates, and call out the other guys, it can result in good baseball. Then the team will collapse because of an insanely long mid-season break that destroys momentum and finish the season at .500. The team is close to the bottom regardless - .500 is an improvement! Lets have a brawl!

Interesting email from Douglas Bryant whose says he is from Scranton, PA. I’m willing to bet he resides in Wilkes-Barre and has Scranton envy. It is trendy now, you know.

“I wanted to say that I have listened to the podcasts and am liking the show thus far. I wanted to ask your thoughts on the grooming of the new Nats stadium, in particular, the pattern of which the outfield grass is cut. It seams the grounds crew has a checkered pattern in the infield and a stripped pattern in the outfield that I haven’t seen done before. My personal opinion is there is a bit to much going on as I’ve always been a less is more person. Anyway, I was wondering your thoughts. Keep up the good work guys! ”

My personal opinion on the grass patterns has more to do with the over-use of the curly W: centerfield grass impression, back of the mound dirt reversal, behind home plate paint job, on the dugout team markers, on-deck circle decor, centerfield waste of money scoreboard, end of the rows seat markers, digital advertising banners, pink urinal pee odoreaters, golf shirts, tee shirts, sweat shirts, home caps, road caps, alternate caps, “fashion” caps, knit caps, ice cream sandwiches, pretzels, and the pathetic win column in the books. IT DOES NOT EVEN MATCH THE EASTERN BLOC LETTERING OF THE JERSEYS!

Douglas, sorry for my rant. I will get in touch with a contact of mine that works on the grounds crew and get back to you. [Shameless Plug Alert] So stay tuned, keep listening, and spread the word. If you ask it, I will answer it, sort of.

Diagnostic arthroscopy to evaluate wrist ligaments. That does not sound like a stroll around the block. I think the term “Exploratory Surgery” should be eliminated from the vernacular and replaced with “Listen man, you’re screwed. My colleagues and I are perplexed at your genetic failures and cannot find your symptoms in the table of contents. We are opening you up and checking stuff out.” Or more simply put, Eff You Operations.

Doesn’t a Torn Wrist Sheath sound like the medieval weapon of choice for the foreign legions of Gaul? Those poor bums could absolutely not afford the resources to make the Complete Wrist Sheaths. Only tattered remnants from their fallen comrades. The French. Psh.

Anyways, have a good recovery Nick the Stick. I will miss you and you will always have a spot in my dream team lineup batting second.